i've been dreaming about war. you and i were side by side, holding guns and rushing the enemy. i lost you, and i lost my leg. unimportant. i could only think about where you'd gone.
the next night i dreamt that i was on a mission to kill a soldier who lie at the bottom of lake, but was still undead. (jason voorhis?) he knew something about my mother. i pulled him up by his chains, but he twisted me about until i was the sure i'd be undead next. i ran home, under a dock, and woke up fearing for my life.
i believe it was then that we were somewhere out west, in a snowglobe city, sleeping on cots together, in a place where we didn't belong because we weren't doctors, though we had applied for the position. train-hopping to get somewhere else, we were hiding from something.
zombies. zombies and a swamp, and dead animals at the zoo. you were a pile of goo and all your friends said i looked nice. somewhere in this, i lost a leg.
today it was that i may have lost my arm. i forget what the rest was about.
in most of my dreams, you're somewhere in the background, or right beside me as if we were the same one person. sometimes, though, you're the monster.
To dream of a war, signifies disorder and chaos in your personal affairs. You also be experiencing some internal conflict or emotional struggle.
To dream that your limbs are amputated, signifies abandoned talents and serious, permanent loss. It indicates your feelings of frustration, powerlessness and helplessness. Sometimes amputation may also represent a situation that you have been ignoring and has finally reached a crisis point. In particular, to dream that your arms are amputated, suggests that you lack motivation. Dreaming that you legs are amputated suggests that you are limited in movements and where you want to go in life.
To see a soldier in your dream, signifies your staunch attitudes and how you may impose your opinions and feelings on others. Alternatively, you may be preparing yourself do battle over an issue and defend your values and opinions.
To see a swamp in your dream, symbolizes aspects of yourself that are repressed and dark. You may be feeling insecure. The dream may also be a pun on feeling swamped from work, a relationship, or other emotional burden. To dream that you are walking through a swampy area, foretells that you will be find yourself in an adverse situation. Disappointments in love may also be implied from this symbol. You will suffer much displeasure from unwise conduct of those around you.
To dream that you are a zombie, denotes that you are physically and/or emotionally detached from people and situations that are currently surrounding you. You are out of touch. Alternatively, it may indicate that you are feeling dead inside and are simply going through the motions of daily living.
To dream of going west, represents fulfilment, opportunities, and growth. Alternatively, it may symbolize an ending of something, death, or old age.
To see chains in your dream, signifies your need to break free from a routine, old idea, or a relationship. If you are being chained, then some part of you is being forcefully head in check
To dream that you are at a zoo, symbolizes loss of freedom and your abilities and talents go unnoticed. You or an aspect of your life feels caged in.
To see a lover in your dream, symbolizes acceptance, self-worth, and acknowledgement of your true inner value. It may also indicate integration of masculine and feminine traits into your self. You are feeling complete or whole. To dream of an old or former lover, signifies unfinished/unresolved issues related to that specific relationship. Your current relationship may be awakening some of those same issues.
So. What I gather from all this..is that I'm suffering from feelings of loss and frustration, helplessness, lack of motivation, boredom with my relationship, limited on where I can go in life, repressed, a need toget away, disorder and chaos, caged in by my life and my relationship, but also complete and whole because of this same relationship.
I'd say that's all pretty accurate. As I have previously said, love doesn't make you happy. It allows you the opportunity to become TRULY happy through completion, but a real, hard love isn't going to make everything else in your life good. This isn't like it was the first time i really loved someone. My life was different; it was all that mattered, and it was the first thing I'd ever felt. This is different. This is like loving myself, becoming someone else, finding the other half. Loving someone as part of YOU is so much harder than a blind puppy love. Sometimes our relationship feels stale, like an old married couple. Sometimes I feel trapped in this town; my legs can't take me far enough away. Three more years of my life will be here, getting a degree. And then what?
At any rate, I'm here, and there are plenty of things to look forward to. I'm working harder in school than I ever have before...I care. And I feel accomplished. My mind is moving and my body is sitting still, growing older and fatter. It's hard.
In less than a month I'll be home to a place that is no longer home, and away from the person who has become my only home.